This Is Love

smiling at myself
stretching the skin
across the skull it covers.
I would erase you
but then you'd be
forgotten.

trouble down the line
fools apoxyed to the
barstools they'll die in,
listen to the symphony
of gutter rain
just like me

I changed who i was for you.
For you, amor, for you.

My Mother, When Older.

After ten, lights out
just as they do since my arrival,
often wondering, does the girl in
the next bed feel heavy as i do
when breath escapes, rising up cold
revealing itself in desperation.

Has anyone ever slept in this bed
My eyes rain like hurricanes
fast and meaningful but no one comes.
I am still my fathers princess
locked in a tower.

Creating this prison
it took work, choosing to walk these miles
it is black now, and the only sounds are
the jingling of keys
Against a free mans belt.

No Glory In Battle

Being a child,
I'm reminded of a time
When my own mother
Would Tongue-In-Cheek
Whisper about the ascension
Of death
And the hell on earth
When she forgot
To take her medicine.

And this glorious time,
When I almost forgot that
A child of my own
Existed
And I alone was teacher her
Lessons that possibly executed
The reasons she died.
I killed her-
Clutching,
Scraping,
Twisting,
Spooned out with a ladel,
And no one will ever know.

But how was I to know
Such an error was a sin
To the mother, To myself.

One Overused

My heart feels full at thoughts
That stars I wished on guide me
The same stars I wished on lied to me.

I wish I'd never wished the day you came existed,
I wish I'd never wished that hopefully you missed me.

So hard to disbelieve in wishes
Won't come true
So hard to wish that I could still believe in you.

But I wished for you
And I wish you...

Hips That Face Towards The Door

Rushing Something So Inevitable;
I Can Taste What The Air Will Be When You Are Gone.

Portland, Oregon

In Portland, Oregon, we only say things
That are politcally correct,
Like 'Pan-Sexual' and 'Gender-Queer.'
We use sign language to talk
And incorperate the Non-Hearing.
We construct a diet of brown rice
and green beans
And so much coke we can't function.
We chainsmoke cigarettes,
For intellect,
In Portland, Oregon.

Wreck

I saw a train derail once.
It went around the track three times-
I burst with panic
When he was struck
On his big toe.

I Am.

A Myriad of disease;
A vessel for your fear;
The angriest of widows;
The fucked up inner-queer;

The darkest corner of your mind;
A long awaited suicide.
The loniest of abandoned
In this big forsaken sea.

Everything that's here-
And no match for me.

Chapel Symbol, Message Sent.

And I prayed and I cried and I prayed.
I was told that through prayer I'd be saved.
What savior is there for sinners...
Leading to an ending-blank.
He was just a man.
And I hear someone say
"Go In Peace Child."

The Ocean, 3.

Why did I let you lead me to this water?
Tried to make me drink, I sipped, I regret-
-It was the poison, after all.

The Ocean, 2.

I taught you to swim,
You teach me to drown

You can't make me jump in this ocean,
But push me hard as you can
And hope I'll trip.

The Ocean, 1.

In my dreams I'm swimming and you,
You are laughing at the knife in my back.

Virgin Leda

The Flower blooms and rots;
A war of seagulls on forget-me-nots.
I wonder if they notice,
They're ruining Everything.

Persephone Never Missed Her Mother.

A sad whisper from
The place
She believed made her a woman.
A stifled cry, the hole that
Might have been her heart.
Lustful eyes the only warmth.

Taking comfort in the weapon,
The Weapon is broken.
A diamond through glass
To anyone else.
Charred pieces on the inside.

Cut Off

Sometimes I feel like I'm disintegrating;
Disapating,
Integrating.
I'm screaming,
Anticipating,
But I don't want to become that.

It's Been A Long Year.

Toast to the worst ones.
Make love drunk, stupid.
Pushing hard.
Nights spent wasted, wasting
time, money.
I swore that we'd be different.
And you swore you wouldn't lie.
But we all swore things before.

The Party Is Over.
Toast to it.
Toast to better times ahead.
Drink fast, forget what's said.
Wake up sore, another year
I spent with you.
But in the morning;
The mourning.

What Happens Then?

"Have A Sense Of Humor"

People are dramatic these days.

Artists wear scarves and slap
their hands against their canvases,
proclaiming something like "no one
knows my genius!" They laugh at
people who make money and gather
around the soup kitchen.

Writers drink their coffee or their
red wine and smoke and think " no
one understands me." They look at
the artists and mock them for
being "tortured souls." Writers
will always offer the spelling of
a word, even when you didn't ask.

And there's the Investment Bankers,
who laugh over fourteen dollar vodka
and cranberry drinks when the writer
says "We have the most power, the
control over the written word."
Bankers always laugh when you're
trying to be funny, but they never
mean it.

People are so dramatic these days.
Exaggerated.
Super-Imposed.
We are no one special.
Sculptors do not have different
Eyes than me.
Doctors are not God.

Have We Become So Greedy.

a stranger laid yellow roses
-a friendship emerging through realms of this earth
her favorite was always red
-though should she be here, she would make the exception,
gracefully accept in a flowered dress.
demolition next to the cemetary
-it never mattered, they were dead.
its going to be a minimall
-with a flower shop, to boost the sales,
and it makes me feel unfinished too.

The First Stage, Losing It.

into memories,
in comes a place upon where ghosts are the night-
my mind forms the fog
turns the sky to angels
and stars to traffic lights.
frightened
by the satisfaction
of this space where
into memories
they're deep and shapeless.

My Mother, When Younger.

her legs struck still into motion
it stomped thunder out
and began the million riots.
the others clubbed out,
she danced until the sun came down
crashed onto the disco ball
and convinced to stay,
mesmorized
others still caught in the rain.

Have Another Drink Darling.

its because i hate you.
if you'll touch me i'll scream
with such a force
i'll crack the sky wide.
i want to forget every moment.
let the others have you.
they miss you, they want you back.
there should be a tonic
to make love get gone.
when you drink it
you cease to feel
and like the bark on a tree,
with another added ring
you can peel away.

The Day I Believed

As broken as the locks on the coffin
Family near his skull
Riding off away from their fortune,
His fathers faith emaciated,
Some other planet
There is God and the Devil
Snarling at one another
Mumbling 'I wish I'd never met you.'

I Don't Want Her To Die.

tinted sepia glass,
photographs aged from dust,
They all leave the frames
when They're old enough.

Fireworks In The Wrong Direction

Why should anyone care what they see
when what they see is me.
Running far from conversation
Huddled in the chaise
Have I damaged all that much?
So unrecognizable to you all?
Maybe it's just winter
the brittle branches sleeping
everyone will be all gone
for spring when i wake up.