Afterwards

It was the salt of earth that gave way
The bitter morsels that couldn't hold me
And to that earth I went.
The holy mother was waiting, arms crossed
There were no heavenly gates,
Only Peter sitting on a milk crate
Crying for his heavenly father.

But You're Married.

The first time I saw you
In the sunlight your
Eyes an icy blue
More than I can remember
And your little blonde hairs
Glinted between your brows
As did that platinum reminder
That i wondered if it reminded
You of anything anymore.

December

When I lived in Storrs, on a hilltop, a consignment shop
Was the only trap door in my city of chains.
Ancient hairdryers and homemade blankets and students
Would leer too long on me. I wore bright red lipstick
Tucked my long hair back and smoked hand rolled cigarettes
To ease the pain and waste the time. Cocaine had a
Special place in my heart, my food for my lack of
Finding a home to call at least a house. I rode the bus
Around town over and over again with my headphones on
And my brain plugged into what others were saying, wishing
Someone would talk to me. Leaving there with my head
Held low and my psyche beaten I thought, this is the
Only place ive ever known.

Suicide Note

The timer on the oven always makes me sad ‘cause
I constantly set it and it’s five minutes fast.
And I pick up the phone with no dial tone but I shrug off the
Call ‘cause they never are home.
And im tired of running out of spit,
exhausted of talking for the hell of it
the days of the week they never change names
and my timecard is different but the paychecks the same.
The yellow pages sit on my floor, hysterical with pity
I have no one to call. I haven’t done Laundry in ever so long
that nothing will fit no matter what I try on
And a table and chairs just aren’t enough
When the table is empty and the time is up
And I’m angry.

Don't you know

He is a charmer by being withholding-
-you will suffer to feel him above you.

I pity you, darling, I do.
I pity you.

Molars

They called you a dog
Its teeth were yellow
Rotting, cigarette and
Stink breath,

Gnarled skin around
The mouth
Laugh lines never existing
Only frowns fault.

Tar and wax and
Gunk, how else can
I say it-
- Your mouth, a treasure.

Riotous screaming
And bleak moans
Of let me go
I did, I held loosely

Canines with tartar
Can you imagine
The dentist?
He cried when he picked at

It rotted black now,
Gone beyond just
The absence of a
Smile forelorn,

Two surgeries and
Gauze and chunks
of gums, you
Wired yourself shut.

They yelled at you.
In the office, in
The school yard
Laughing, pointing

With a hand over your
Mouth you didn't
Bother to grin
Anymore, they did you in.

No operations could
Save that precious,
The innocence, you being
A victim.

Shake Your Heads

The first time i did it
A belt and a beam
When they cut me
Down my mother screamed
The doctor frowned
At my beauty marks
The shrinks they called
To put me in a box

The second time
Was panic pills
My mother cried
That I fit the bill
She choked me out
What could I say
I told her i just want
A Holiday

And the the tempo changed.

For my witty grapefruit breasts
My hair wrapped
Like a head dress
So they may say
What charm and grace
What a bitter soul
What a lovely taste
When they should find me
Swollen and ripe
My fat lined face
My clothes, my race
Twice now ive gone
Down the rabbit hole
Twice now they caught me-

It Was Too Soon.

The blow up air mattress gave way
When our bodies forced it
To let us make love.
You were persistent,
And I wanted again.
As it always goes,
You fell softly into dreams
While I twiddled and fussed
Why did I let myself
And now the blank slate
The fresh cotten of a thought
A possibility is dead
From two souls trying to heal
And stealing A moment
To feel more than
their aching hearts would allow.