Don't you know

He is a charmer by being withholding-
-You will suffer to feel him above you.

I pity you darling, I do.
I pity you.

Two Dichotomies

I am an epicene woman;
I will not trudge through short halls
Full of family photos,
Dribble on the walls,
Painted murals, scribbles
Of children I never chose
Or truly thought of.
Please do not ask me
What Time Is Dinner?
I wear the same watch as you now;
It ticks in more urgency
Than you have ever known.

Reveling

You locked me up, like you knew I liked

Then you took a bite.

And I wrote vows, I wrote em down

So when you come around

You'll say you might.

I didn't promise that I'd promise but ill try if you would hint;

That all the time that you said you'd try could match the time

And you could try with me a second wind...

I guess I'll wait for you and let you win

There was something that was criminal in the way your eyes smiled at me

Yeah there was something, something cynical in the way you smiled, smiled at me

And I'm a glutton for the punished

And the punches

All the black eyes keep me in

If I could open my little puffy eyes

I'd see your puppy eyes

And we'd begin again

You didn't build a mansion but a dollhouse that you'd let me die in

And I the figurine was smashed to smithereens

But your the glue and I the porcelain wriggling

But I keep reveling...

I'm trying everything.

Cause there was something that was cynical in the way your eyes they smiled at me,

Yeah there was something, something criminal in the way you smiled, smiled at me.

There Is No Such Thing As Light

There is an easier way.
Helium and a plastic bag-
It could be over so soon,
And No One Would Miss You.

Look it up!
You'll find
The most painless methods and decide
That the sad music you always play
Isn't enough of a reason to stay-
After all;
You're not in a movie.

No One Will Every Say Don't.

Yes, My exterior is harder
Yes, You would be impressed.

But I stopped doing all the things I really loved.

The Lonely

There was a girl
Entangled, if I may;
All the sirens silent for her
Dear, She skipped a beat
Just for me, Inside the
Trappings of a lonely person
There, She lived in me,
Fondly,
Always playing
Wonder and misgivings-
-Words, That never found
Her tiny mouth, all along
She is high up in her tower.
May I, If I might
Have certain rights, There
Was an element of anger
Humming, In, Between
The ears, For many years,
All the while she was
Surrounded,
Crowded-

Can Everyone Tell?

She had a tattoo of a tree:
And in the tree-
-There sitting me,
Alone as was reality.

And when I asked her to
Explain-
-The girl refrained-
Just stared into the wayward mark.
The singing larks,
The branches part,
With no one else in company.

She had a tattoo of a tree:
Alone there sitting me-
Alone-
-Alone as I would ever be.

I Think It Was A Happy Ending.

Both dogs barked at
The television,
One paw resigned upon me;
And when the silver screen
had dimmed,
The dogs had laid and died with it.
I searched for messages
On film
-No explanation served;
And yet two dogs lay
Still as stone,
As soon the curtain closed.

Marital Bliss

I'm tapping on the table
waiting for you to come home
in the bed you take the left side
but i always feel alone
you went out to have a smoke
though you quit year to the date
you haven't touched me in a month
and yet again im three weeks late.

Cunt.

You cannot call it a flower.

Flowers don’t spew forth blood
And clots.

It does not bloom, only swells
And sweats; oozes.
Flowers do not ooze,
There are no petals.

There are lips for kissing, stretching.
Flowers do not birth life
That requires stitching;
There is no nectar,
Only eggs and rot.

There Lies Her, My Beloved.

The only flower I ever saw-

-It was orange, and it snapped

When I tried to smell.

I thought of you,

At the fair, pulling your skirt

Down against my fingers.

I would never wander again.

Just as the flower,

I saw you and then never did-

-Though my fingertips still reach.

The Definition Of Compassion

There was water for everyone,

But the old man was a hog;

Yet the children let him carry on.

When I tried to stop him

They held me back;

Let the old man stay there, drink his share.

When I asked them why they let him binge

All the children stared and smiled at him.

“Because we have our whole lives to live,

But this water to him, is all there is.”

When I Am Still Awake

After a night filled with whiskey, brick and cold-

The roof made a hiding spot, a ladder paved in gold.

No one touched me, the spirit stared;

The cement lined walkway dragged me there.

I lied.

My beloved ones believed;

And my make believe life – for its death I grieved.

But there was the sun; a comfort and a creep,

It knows me too well,

When I greet it, it weeps.

S.O.S.

They call me a wreck-
I just supposed my ship was lost...
Trying to find peace
And a boy with hair like smoke
(billowing and whispy)
Who always got the best of me;
and I drop like an anchor
Whenever his light is on.

Afterwards

It was the salt of earth that gave way
The bitter morsels that couldn't hold me
And to that earth I went.
The holy mother was waiting, arms crossed
There were no heavenly gates,
Only Peter sitting on a milk crate
Crying for his heavenly father.

But You're Married.

The first time I saw you
In the sunlight your
Eyes an icy blue
More than I can remember
And your little blonde hairs
Glinted between your brows
As did that platinum reminder
That i wondered if it reminded
You of anything anymore.

December

When I lived in Storrs, on a hilltop, a consignment shop
Was the only trap door in my city of chains.
Ancient hairdryers and homemade blankets and students
Would leer too long on me. I wore bright red lipstick
Tucked my long hair back and smoked hand rolled cigarettes
To ease the pain and waste the time. Cocaine had a
Special place in my heart, my food for my lack of
Finding a home to call at least a house. I rode the bus
Around town over and over again with my headphones on
And my brain plugged into what others were saying, wishing
Someone would talk to me. Leaving there with my head
Held low and my psyche beaten I thought, this is the
Only place ive ever known.

Suicide Note

The timer on the oven always makes me sad ‘cause
I constantly set it and it’s five minutes fast.
And I pick up the phone with no dial tone but I shrug off the
Call ‘cause they never are home.
And im tired of running out of spit,
exhausted of talking for the hell of it
the days of the week they never change names
and my timecard is different but the paychecks the same.
The yellow pages sit on my floor, hysterical with pity
I have no one to call. I haven’t done Laundry in ever so long
that nothing will fit no matter what I try on
And a table and chairs just aren’t enough
When the table is empty and the time is up
And I’m angry.

Don't you know

He is a charmer by being withholding-
-you will suffer to feel him above you.

I pity you, darling, I do.
I pity you.

Molars

They called you a dog
Its teeth were yellow
Rotting, cigarette and
Stink breath,

Gnarled skin around
The mouth
Laugh lines never existing
Only frowns fault.

Tar and wax and
Gunk, how else can
I say it-
- Your mouth, a treasure.

Riotous screaming
And bleak moans
Of let me go
I did, I held loosely

Canines with tartar
Can you imagine
The dentist?
He cried when he picked at

It rotted black now,
Gone beyond just
The absence of a
Smile forelorn,

Two surgeries and
Gauze and chunks
of gums, you
Wired yourself shut.

They yelled at you.
In the office, in
The school yard
Laughing, pointing

With a hand over your
Mouth you didn't
Bother to grin
Anymore, they did you in.

No operations could
Save that precious,
The innocence, you being
A victim.

Shake Your Heads

The first time i did it
A belt and a beam
When they cut me
Down my mother screamed
The doctor frowned
At my beauty marks
The shrinks they called
To put me in a box

The second time
Was panic pills
My mother cried
That I fit the bill
She choked me out
What could I say
I told her i just want
A Holiday

And the the tempo changed.

For my witty grapefruit breasts
My hair wrapped
Like a head dress
So they may say
What charm and grace
What a bitter soul
What a lovely taste
When they should find me
Swollen and ripe
My fat lined face
My clothes, my race
Twice now ive gone
Down the rabbit hole
Twice now they caught me-